/guest post/ A letter to my ex.

As I read this, my first thought was that I absolutely have to share it with you, my readers. I guess many of us can relate to this.

But first thing first. Who is #callmepetra? She is a young,  talented and passionate hobby writer. I can proudly say that she is my person, my best friend. Her words touch hearts, that’s a fact. 🙂

A letter to my ex.

Maybe it’s meaningless, but I feel the need to do this. To finally let him go. To tell the whole story. I could write a book, but don’t worry, I will try to be brief, not to waste much of your precious time. 😊 Since already, this is more for me and my soul.

We broke up two and a half months ago. That day my world crushed into pieces. You left me all broken and alone. I couldn’t tell you this in person since you are to “important” to look me in the eyes and tell me that you don’t want to be with me anymore. No, for the people like you, e-mail is the best way to solve all personal problems, even though you shared your life with someone for four and a half years. But it doesn’t matter anymore. This is my way of saying THANK YOU…

We had our ups and downs in the last three years, most of them were downs. I blame you for a lot of things that happened, however, even I was no angel. And I paid my share, I know I did. I suffered in our relationship in the way I never imagined I would.
I don’t care anymore for the words we said, for the fights we fought, for the cheating, lying, ignoring, running away and lots of other things I don’t even remember anymore. Now, I’m over that, I just want you to know that I’m angry with you, because of the power you had over me because you manipulated with my feelings, my will, and my heart. Seeing that, you still somehow kept me in a “golden age” of yours, where one day, according to your words, everything was supposed to be ok and we would be happy. And I fell in love with this fairy tale, not in you as a person. In the happy future, you promised to me that was never to be realized. I resent you for all the promises, for building a castle in the sky for us, that was never meant to be ours in the first place. I was just a fool believing your lies.

Yet, the thing that hurts the most is the part where I lost myself in helping you find yourself. Your mother left you when you were a baby, and you lost your father a few years ago. That was the beginning of our end, I know that now. You were at your lowest. I was there to help you get back up and stand tall, you can’t deny that. I know my ways were not always the correct ones, but I did everything I could. I helped you as I best knew. It wasn’t enough for you, it wasn’t good for you. Rather than lean on me you ran away and shut down all your feelings. You found comfort in alcohol and other girls, women. I can’t imagine how hard that was for you, but I want you to know, that I suffered by your side. I loved you, more than I loved myself. I wanted to save you and your life, but I lost myself doing this. I could say that the past three and a half years were the most difficult years of my life. There were days when I woke up and all I wanted to do, was to die. But you never understood my pain. You never showed you care. No, it was easier for you to just walk through the door and forget about me, it was easier to hug another woman, where there were no problems, no past. Still, I believed in your words that everything will be ok and that you love only me. I was so stupid, I really was. I didn’t know what to do, I was sad, irritable, nervous, paranoid and melancholic all the time. My health started to suffer, yeah, I let you get so close to my soul, I literally could feel physical pain. And when I finally realized, I must get back on my feet, when I needed your support the most, when I needed your touch, your love, you didn’t have the strength to deal with me. And I truly resent you that you turned your back on me when I needed you the most. Even so, until the end, I believed that on the end we will be happy.

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Now, telling you this, I know that we came to our end. Finally, we can be happy. And despite everything bad that happened to us, you taught me a lot. I thank you for all the lessons. I learned to listen to myself, my intuition. My heart is never wrong, and because of you, I know this for sure. Thank you, for showing me, how important it is, to have friends who really care about you. Thank you for showing me how to love, live and to let go. And most of all, I am thankful that you broke up with me and let me breathe again. That day was the worst and the happiest day of my life. THANK YOU for your strength, the strength I never had, to let us go. THANK YOU for your love to set me free. THANK YOU for letting me find myself again. THANK YOU for pushing me away. THANK YOU for all the good and all the bad things. Because of you, I am what I am. THANK YOU for helping me find love and happiness again. He is everything I ever wanted and even more. But that’s another story, a story about The one, about happy ever after…maybe next time
So, farewell my ex-love, I wish you all the best and hope you will found your happy ever after. I know, I found mine.

xoxo
#callmepetra

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