Why we love who we love?

Have you ever wondered why we fall in love with certain people? What is the thing that makes us fall for each other? Do we choose the people we fall in love with? Is true love even possible, or is it just a creation of our head?

I’ve been thinking a lot about this. Because if we could fall in love with anybody, then we could romantically be in love with the first person that walks by, but we ain’t.

First, we have to understand what love actually means. There’s a difference between platonic love and real affection. This time I’m referring myself to the actual intense feeling that takes over us if we’re attracted to one person. But do we decide who we are attracted to, or do we blindly follow our prime instinct?

Love is a biological process, a physical reaction that can be explained by science. Our brain reacts to attachment to somebody and releases different hormones that make us crazy about that specific person. In such situations, the body takes control of our mind. Simple as that. It’s just the hormones playing with the way we act. Taking all of that into consideration plus, if we add our experiences, we can for sure say that love is one hell of a powerful thing.

Okay, that’s just a quick and straightforward biology explanation about serotonin, dopamine, estrogen, and testosterone doing what they do. But how do they know when to get their job done?

Growing up, we were taught that love is something we don’t choose, that it’s something that just happens. That someday we stumble upon someone and fall in love with them. But is love really something we have no effect on? Considering our prime instinct, this can’t be entirely true. A person’s physical appearance certainly plays a huge role in this whole process. If we like to admit it or not, our brain makes a decision about who we are attracted to within a fraction of a second. Some studies have shown, that our subconscious mind knows in one second if someone is attractive or not. Eyes, hair, voice, smell, confidence, passion, personality and more, are the factors that are the key to the attraction.

The other part, telling us whom to choose, is our subconscious desire to heal our wounds. We consciously idealize a perfect romantic involvement, as on a subconscious level we call for someone who we can relate to through our wounds. We are seeking for a partner who can fulfill our emotional needs, that’s why we are drawn to people we can relate to. To the ones that in some way reflect our pain. Put in other words, in relationships, we are attention whores.


Never the less, it doesn’t matter what does the science or anyone else say. In the end, we always like to think of love as something we don’t choose. We crave for the moment we see a person across the room and feel an explosion spreading through our whole body. The Cupid’s arrow hits our heart, and we fall for someone so badly, words can’t even describe. The thought of finally finding the special someone makes us forget about every bad thing ever happened. The world becomes suddenly all flowery and colorful. But then the reality check hits us right back to the ground. If we make it through, we know we found true love, and if not, we try again.

I blame it all on the law of attraction. 😉


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