Remember, back in the teenage days, when the diary was your best friend, the only one, you could confess everything to. If I’m honest, when I read it now, I just laugh 😀
Let me share one diary entry with you, from the time, when I was about 14 years old:
I’m so sad and I feel so lonely. I feel like nobody gets me, like I’m all on my own. I want to feel loved and understood. The sadness is filling my body, squishing tears out of me. Where is all the joy and where is all the happiness? I want someone who really loves me, someone who cares. I deserve all the best, I deserve someone who respects me, someone who is good to me. I want to be someones princess or something like that. I want beautiful surprises, I want precious moments. I don’t want someone “perfect”. I want someone, who is perfect only for me. I think, I already found my perfect companion, but I guess this person doesn’t want me, or is just not ready for me. It breaks my heart not being a bigger part of that persons life. It breaks my heart, knowing that this special someone is not all over me. It can be that this specific person is just not the one. Maybe life has something better for me. Oh, waiting is killing me. I know, I have to accept my life such as it is right now, to change something. If it only wouldn’t be so freaking hard. It’s driving me nuts. Maybe I just have too big of expectations. I know I have them. How do I let them go? How can I live a life without expectations? How?
I love you! I can’t get you out of my head! I’m obsessed with you. I miss you more than words can say. I miss your voice, I miss your touch, the whole you. I miss you too the moon and back. I don’t know how I can have such strong feelings for you. I love you,… No, I don’t. I’m in love with you, so madly. Anyways, I want you, only you and noone else. I want you to be my one and only. I want to be your one and only. Happily, to the rest of our lives. I want you to be happy with me and I want to be happy with you. I want to share my love and happiness with you. I want you to feel the same for me. All I know, or what I hope for, is that we will meet again. We will make love and fall in love together. I hope we will grow old together. Oh, what a hopeless romantic I am. I love you, I will wait for you.
Hopefully, few years from now, when I will read this, I won’t feel ashamed of myself for feeling this way for a fling. It could be, that I’ll just laugh about it and think of myself as an idiot. Never the less, my obsession with this person is driving me insane. I want that someone now! With no second thoughts, with no hesitations. I’m a freaking retard! 😀
Note to my current self: Lea, be careful what you wish for. You know how your way of thinking works. You think of it – it happens. You want it too badly – you’re pushing it away.
Oh, where are those days, when unfulfilled love was my biggest problem? 😉
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