Does love really hurt?

We all know the fairy tales with a happy ending. We used to believe in them. All the stories that have been told to us seemed possible. Happy ever after with a perfect partner was waiting for us just around the corner. And then we grew up.

Along the way, we collected some fantastic and hard partnership experiences. Our hearts got broken few times. The dream of fairy tale love faded. We stopped believing in princesses and knights in shining armor. But can there still be some hope? Does love really hurt?

“Love hurts
Love scars
Love wounds and marks”
[Nazareth – Love hurts]

No, it doesn’t. Love is a beautiful thing.

It usually goes like this: two people get to know each other, they get attracted to one another, they get together and have a fantastic time. After that, we would expect a happily ever after through all the good and all the bad. But let’s rewind for a moment. Let’s see what happens after a short while, after this few magical days, if they’re lucky maybe we can talk about weeks. First, they find something they don’t like about one another, and it’s driving them crazy. One of them doesn’t want to get committed, because of past experiences or fears. In some situations, there are the parents, who don’t approve of the partnership, and third persons, who jealously want this relationship to end. She is a daddy’s girl, and he is a mamma’s boy. Financial issues lead to disaster by planning future together. On the other hand, there can be two career-oriented partners, who put more energy into their business life than the private life.

No matter the situation, there are few types of relationships, that lead nowhere.

For us to find a suitable partner, there is no need to jump into every possible relationship heedlessly. We don’t need to be with someone, just to be with someone. It would be much easier if we wouldn’t even start the relationships, that are doomed from the beginning. Never the less, it is pretty obvious that the wrong relationships already start with problems. It’s only the matter of time when the break-up will follow. It can take days, weeks, months, maybe even years, but the break-up eventually comes. What can we do, if we feel so drawn to that so-wrong-person? Nothing really. We could simply avoid this kind of partnership, instead of just jumping into it. But when we fall in love, we act crazy. We blindly follow our hormones.

Love really doesn’t have to hurt.

Photo: Iva Kjaer Photography

From the beginning, when we are all madly in love, everything is supposed to go smoothly. For the problems and discussions, there is plenty of time in the continuing partnership. The first phase of love is meant for idealizing the partner, for finding in her/him the similarity to us. After all, we attract what we can relate to. The second phase is the upgrade of love. This is the more down to earth phase in which we start to build stronger tie to the partner. But the love can also fade in the second phase if the relationship wasn’t built on the healthy ground.

Fighting a lot of fights through the first phase of love makes the relationship spin around those problems continuously, that’s why we can’t see other qualities. Instead of making love stronger and lasting, we turn the relationship into a nightmare. Being locked in our own cage that we built around us, takes away from us a lot of energy and sucks the life out of us.

Is this everything a reflection of the lifestyle that we’re currently leaving? Are we turning into a society that has no place for true love and emotions? Do we aim for singularity?

In the end, we come to a conclusion, that it’s not love if it hurts. Love isn’t supposed to hurt. Love is a beautiful thing. What hurts are the loss, goodbyes, abuse, and all the negativity. We hurt each other out of our own misery. And no matter what, we still are social beings, and definitely no lone wolfs. We crave for human contact, and we need love not to turn into robots.


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