Sextalk.

Let’s talk about intercourse. Do you have sex? Probably yes. Some have it regularly, some have it occasionally, and some have it rarely. Do you talk about it? Do you talk about it at least with your sexual partner or your best friend? You should.

Sex is still a taboo topic in some circles. As the media is full of sexual contents – nevertheless, sex sells – there is a lack of open and honest conversations about lovemaking. You have to understand the difference between real life sex and what media is pumping you with. And nevertheless, sex is overrated.

There are more and more articles telling you how to improve your sex life or what to try to not get boring. Do we really need this? What happened to the lust and experimenting on our own, trying what feels satisfying? Is there a lack of imagination? Situations being like: “You know, I read in an article, that by doing this and that you can spice up your sexual life. Let’s try it.” But do you ask yourself how do you feel about it? Okay, you read an article, then you convince your partner to try it, and it gets awkward. It’s nothing like you’ve imagined it. Why? It’s simple, you got instructions, and you wanted to pull it through. You weren’t caught in a moment, you didn’t feel it. It was a forced situation that made the two of you feel unpleasant, no matter if you are together for 1 day or for 20 years. You need to be comfortable in what you’re doing.

It’s normal, not knowing how to handle things if you don’t have much or any experience. We’ve all been through that. You learn, don’t worry. If I recall my first relationship, when I was kind of a new in the sex life, I had no idea what I was doing. There was also not much communication about it, so I never knew where I was standing. I was confused a lot of times. I didn’t even know if I was any good at it. But it’s understandable, we were young. I remember when my ex and I broke up and were still having sex, that this was the time when we started to have real open conversations about what we like, what we want to try, our fetishes, and so on. All of the sudden, we got more comfortable around each other. You would never guess, few months after the brake-up, we finally managed to go separate ways.

“Let’s talk about sex, baby
Let’s talk about you and me
Let’s talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be”
[Salt-N-Pepa – Let’s Talk About Sex]

But how do you know what you like? I remember reading a lot of articles back then about what we, woman, like and what feels good for us. I was reading articles about what sex positions give you best orgasms, how to please your partner, how to have great sex. What I’ve learned from all of that? Don’t rely much on what you read. Everyone’s body has its own anatomy. Explore your body, masturbate, and make love. Give your imagination a free flow. With sex, it’s always a deal breaker if you’re in your head too much while doing it. Relax.

When my second long-term relationship ended, I was devastated for a time. I didn’t know how I would start having sex again with someone new. It scared me. I couldn’t imagine how to start all over again. The questions in my head confused me even more. I was asking myself, how it feels to be intimate with someone random, what if someone I get physical with is some kind of a pervert and wants to do some nasty things with me I don’t like. Oh my god, it was so scary. But I couldn’t resist my primal drive, my libido, which forced me to step out of my comfort zone. All of the sudden, I found myself on a journey, trying to relive my, in a way lost twenties. It was a wild time indeed. If we want to admit it or not shag plays an essential role in our lives. Okay, it’s a bit different when you’re younger-younger, before getting all comfortable and familiar with sex life.

“Sex is emotion in motion.”
[Mea West]

Sex is a beautiful thing. Sex is a medicine for a lot of things. Sex makes us happy. Sex is lovemaking. Sex is the best activity. We all do it. So why not comfortably talk about it. Giving your partner, sex buddy, or friend with benefits a nice compliment regarding sex will make him/her feel more confident and sure about themselves. Try complimenting their part of the body you really like and ask them what turns them on, on you. But don’t make an over-detailed instruction manual about how to satisfy you, because you can confuse the partner. And the important thing is, not to criticize their way of making love because you can be responsible for some complexes in their head. There are always friendly ways to say what bothers you and what doesn’t suit you. I know what I’m talking about, I was there. I was all frustrated because someone always criticized some of my moves. It happened that I wasn’t relaxed anymore and I was overthinking while having sex. Am I doing it right? Is it okay like this? Do I stay in a position I am right now? Am I doing it wrong again? It takes time to get rid of all these annoying questions in your head. But when you get close to a person you are comfortable around, it happens easy. What also happens easily when having sex with someone like that, is an orgasm. This magical feeling which shakes every single cell of your body.

If you have questions about sex, talk to someone. Also talk to someone, if you have some kind of problems. You wouldn’t believe, but you’re not the only one having these problems, and there is no shame in any of them.

And please, don’t have irresponsible sex, if you’re not ready to deal with possible unwanted consequences. And never force someone into having sex against their will.

 

• Stay inspired. •

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