When things get hard, do we give up or do we try to work it out? Why nowadays many relationships end just because people quit on each other when things are not all shiny and bright? A guest author, who wants to stay anonymous, has a story to tell:
“It’s always darkest before the dawn”
»It’s always darkest before the dawn,« they say. But nobody tells us how long this darkness will last.
Why it seems to me, that it’s always easier to write when I’m hurt? When it feels like a million blades cut my chest. Do you know that feeling? Well, I hope not. However, it often happens to me. And I’m wondering if it is my fault. What am I doing wrong? Am I such a terrible person that whatever I do, I hurt someone? What am I doing wrong, that no matter what I do, I hurt the one I love the most? I have no bad conscience, no bad attention, but it’s still wrong.
Is it really me, or is it you? Or are we just not good together?
So many questions are crossing my mind. What to do, what to say, how to decide? And then it comes to my mind, the words of my bellowed friend: “there are no wrong decisions in life”. There are no bad ones and no good ones. Everything I decide it will be somehow good for me. I can see so clearly what I should do, which way to choose. Every logical reason is turning me away from you. I know I can and I know I will make it on my own. I know I’m the best person for me. Hell yeah, I don’t need anybody.
But do I want that? I know I can, for sure, but do I want it to be like this? Do I want to be alone? No, I don’t want that. I mean, who cares about logic steps. I don’t want a life without you. I don’t want to be by myself. I don’t want to prove that I’m a superwoman, even though it might be the best for me. I want to be held in your arms on cold nights. I want to feel your warm kiss in a summer breeze. I want our happy moments to last forever.
Can they? Can we connect our worlds forever, even though they are different in so many ways?
Lately, it seems that the answer is no. It seems like none of us can leave aside our fears and demons that hunt us. It seems like we can’t become a better version of ourselves and be good for each other. Are we so egoistic and self-centered that what’s right for each one of us is the only right that exists? When something disturbing happens to us, we always forget about all the good we have in our lives. We always forget about how good we can be together and about all the experiences we’ve collected so far. It’s like negative thinking has more power over us than the entire positivity that surrounds us. And then we lose it, we lose everything we built together. Just like that, in a moment, ashes to ashes, dust to dust. And we give up.
I don’t want that.
I beg you, no matter what happens to us, always remember the good times. Remember our adventures and all the trips we took. Remember how good it felt to lay side by side, remember the movies we watched, and the talks we had. When you lose your trust in me, remember our plans, our future we dreamed about. Try to see good in me, in us. Breathe in and breathe out. Believe in us, and believe in me. As I believe. It might be harder before it gets easy, but I know it’s worth it. If you can’t do that, I’ll try to understand, and I will let you go.
I was so sure, I found my happily ever after with you that I forgot I already found my happily ever after with me. It’s just that I want you to be part of it. I want me to be there for you and you to be there for me. I need you, I love you. Please forgive me if I hurt you in any way. But still, let me be me.
And that goes out to all of us, believe and hope until the flame of love in the heart is still very much alive. We need to trust ourselves and our instinct. Be the love you want to receive. However, never let others control your life and never let your fear decide your future. Accept your decisions and make the best of it.
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